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PR
for BO the Keyothi contract September 2004
The Dhon flies northward with the birds over the crystal blue lagoon, above hewn coral and strips of green gleaming sand, and out across the deep dark rows of ocean waves rolling endlessly in the inexorable current. Keyothi's magic powers have been enhanced by his lucrative sojourn on the sands of his foremothers, and he moves like racing tuna through clouds of wispy silver draped across a slowly darkening sky. On the horizon, Blood island appears at the bottom of a long trail of smoke just as a bubble of energy bursts against Keyothi's airborne ears – screams of women and wailing children, the crunch of metal, wood and leather smashing human bone. An expression of executive displeasure? surmises the Dhon as he ducks beneath blazing blunderbusses and glides into the palace grounds, landing auspiciously in a young mango sapling. Moments later, he enters the upper level office of Asia's lowest leader and finds the room filled with over-dressed Italian waiters.
'Look out that window, Mr K, what do you see?' squeals a voice from behind the bodyguards. 'The historic heroes of the Blood empire munching steroids and beating the crap out of their relatives.' 'That isn't happening.' The bodyguards stand at ease and BO darts blithely between their legs. 'What else do you see?' With a modest professional eye, Keyothi surveys the Blood skyline and garland of resorts beyond the ship-choked harbour. 'A magnificent concentration of other people's assets you can use to attract secret bribes from gullible and dubious investors.' 'Exactly, but I need someone to hide this beautiful setup from my battered people. If they really loved me, they would let me have it all.' BO's head drops into his chest and he begins to sob consolably. 'What's wrong with Hoaxes and Knee-tremblers Ltd, your hack public deception firm in the realm of WindSore?' Keyothi inquires with an ethically appropriate salute. 'H+K suggested we use you, after a bit of training,' sniffs BO. 'This time I have to fool the alhun.' 'An impossible task, Oh Emergency Eternal. You have taught them every dirty trick in the book.' 'Nothing is impossible for the court of the Pharaoh at Hoaxes and Knee-tremblers! Your Dhivehin guile added to H+K's diabolical duplicity will defeat our enemies and drive the Dajjal from our midst.'
Dhon Keyothi travels to the reefs of WindSore and rides with the hounds, sinks pints and vomits curries in the very best of company. He sits at the bloodstained feet of the Pharaoh, attentive for clues to the secrets of Hoaxes and Knee-tremblers' undeniable success. A sad procession of distressed dictators, their hands jammed in treasury boxes, approach Pharaoh's desk offering millions of dollars and demanding a government worthy of World Bank loans. 'The power of money rivals fanditha!' exclaims our hero during a brief lull in the tyrannical tide. 'An observation that should not be made in isolation, K old boy, but as part of a process in which independent directors with strong connections to shareholders play an essential role in the raising of corporate standards.' Keyothi struggles for breath beneath a windfall of wisdom as Pharaoh continues. 'We are doing business in an age of accountability. Reputation and responsibility for reputation lies wholly on the shoulders of the chief executive but in WindSore it is much more about collective leadership, and Hoaxes and Knee-tremblers feels more confident in the standards it has always espoused. An organisation’s reputation can be seriously damaged overnight through poor issues management. Management of corporate reputation and holistic public affairs are closely related. An articulate and influential group of the world's most successful mafioso want to know more about the guiding values of the company behind its products or services. Being seen to make a commercially satisfactory and devious contribution to policy debate may help an organisation to differentiate itself from ethical competitors and to express its deformed personality and evil philosophy.' 'Yes! Yes!' cries the Dhon, ' I see it now... SCREW EVERYBODY, EVERYWHERE, AND GET THE MONEY! The Pharaoh smiles. 'You're ready at last, Keyothi. Ready to become one of us.'
alhun - slaves To be continued
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Maldives Culture is an independent internet magazine of Maldive cultural issues.
Editors and translators: Michael O'Shea and Fareesha Abdulla, Australia
We invite contributions from Maldivians and others interested in Maldives.
Contributions and comments - mc_editors@hotmail.com
